WWE = WTF?

Posted: April 4, 2016 by souldysfunction in General Sports Rant, WWE/Wrestling
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Okay so I have to post about the Wrestlemania 32 PPV event last night…. WTF? Seriously WTF?

So my boy and wife are big wrestling fans. We have a subscription to the WWE Network, we watch every Raw and Smackdown Event, we watch all the PPVs, and when ever they come to town I send the two of them down to the live event. Needless to say I’ve seen some weirdness in the WWE over the years but last night took the freaking cake. I really think the writers decided lets use last years script but how can we totally make it as odd and semi-boring as possible. Ill list the matches and you can see where the WTF is sprouting from.

  1. Pre Show – Kalisto vs Ryback – My Boy loves Sin Cara and Kalisto he also was a huge fan of Ryback when he wasn’t being a heel, but this match ugh. So in an attempt to replay David and Goliath, David one and kept the USA Champion belt. I’m okay with this even though someone the size of Kalisto should never be wrestling someone the size of a small car.
  2. Pre Show – Diva T-and-A match – Seriously besides the little used Emma this match was just how many boobs and skimpy out fits can we fit in a ring.
  3. Pre Show – Usos vs Dudleys – Can this idiotic rivalry stop? They couldn’t come up with a better story arc then The Dudleys are tired of using tables and now want to just be sorta the bad guys because the Usos really don’t have anything to do currently.
  4. Intercontinental Ladder Match – This is where the WTF starts… So they did this last year and it was popular so lets do it again!@#!@! Literally most of the match was an exact copy or eerily similar to last years match that even my 10 yr old boy was going “Um didn’t they do that last year?”. What was worst was Mr WooWooWoo was the substitute wrestler for the injured Neville. Neville has been a constant part of Raw and Smackdown now since he came from NXT, so he has street cred. Zach Ryder?? You put Zach Ryder in for him?? The guy you never use unless you have no one including fans to wrestle someone? The guy who hasn’t won a match before the last week in.. oh I don’t know his life???? Okay well at least we know who WON’T win this match… wait no you didn’t… you stupid stupid writers… Zack Ryder wins the Belt… really? Really? REALLY? Confusion and disbelief was not only spread all over our faces but many of the fans they showed were like WTF? I know he’s from Texas but WTF????
  5. Y2AJ Divorce Proceedings – Okay they weren’t really married but they act like an old married couple and it’s dumb. This whole story to bring AJ Styles in has been ridiculous. Aj debut beat Jericho, Jericho gets pissy beats Aj, Aj still beats Jericho again, Lets be a tag team!, No lets not, Aj beats Jericho… fucking ect ect ect… This is someones elderly cat writing this story line seriously. On top of all that lets make Jericho a heel??? Really??? I know he only uses the WWE when he needs to pay the bills because Fozzy shows aren’t selling out but sheesh. This has been dumb to watch and it feels dumb to write. Jericho wins in a decent match but the truth is Aj is a better wrestler and Jericho is old. Do you want to know the BEST part of this WHOLE match? Really it is the WTF part. Jericho is wearing his bedazzeled speedos with ‘G.O.A.T’ stitched across his butt. YES you read that right and I have no idea why but it said ‘G.O.A.T’…. Um… Channeling your inner Daniel Bryant? Upset about your current WWE role? You like goats? “Give Old Athletes Time”???? WTF DOES GOAT ON YOUR ASS MEAN??? Explanation.. Nope just Jericho has a Goat Ass….
  6. Rooty Tooty Booty Vs League of Heel – The WTF starts off early in this one, on the stage there is a giant box of Booty-Os that falls over and spills out fake cereal AND… AND… AND… The New Day dressed in Dragonball Z outfits. Yes I said that right (again) WTF… So we have the forehead penis group dressed as Super Saiyans. Wow Nerds and Geeks rejoice and the rest of the world went “huh?”. So they come out take off the Saiyan armour to get beat by The League of Nations with help from a bull hammer out side the ring. Best part of the match is the fact HBK, Mick Foley and Stone Cold came down and beat up TLNs and then Stone Cold delivers a Stunner to Xavier Woods who was dancing with his booty way to close to the Finger-Flipping Beered one. All kinds of WTF here.
  7. Ambrose vs The Beast – Good match, was mostly entertaining when the newly crowned one trick pony Suplex City Man wasn’t doing German Suplex’s. Sadly Dean lost, really hoped for more from this story line as Dean is the MOST POPULAR wrestler right now.
  8. Diva Womans Championship Triple Threat – Yes so the belt is no longer called the Diva belt it is the Womans Championship Belt, and you know what that’s good. Get away from the Bella’s and bring the real ladies that can wrestle and aren’t constantly nearly loosing their tops during the match. This was actually a good match up to the end. As a friend watching it with us said “Charlotte was a good wrestler she didn’t need this I need to be my Daddy and his Tricks routine”. Seriously you are going to make this the Womans Championship but let a creepy old man decide the outcome?? Okay whatever nice try to legitimize the womens division WWE. WTF?
  9. Hell in a cell with Shane O’Mac vs Undertaker – What would have been best for business is Undertaker retire after you let Brock Lesnar beat him. What would be best for business is to let Shane run the whole thing. What would be best for business is not let two over 45 year olds wrestle in a cage match. Now the match was good especially the attempt by Shane jumping off the TOP of Hell in a Cell to deliver a Money Elbow to the Dead man laying on the announce table. As awesome as that spectacle was watching Shane loose AND get carted off on a stretcher in a neck brace was not cool. WTF WWE really?
  10. Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal – WTF…. So this is a Royal Rumble that is so subpar to the actual Royal Rumble that it’s pathetic. Especially when you let Shaquille O’neal be a spotlighted member of it. Really Shaq standoff with Big Show? You think anyone believes for a second that has any credit? On top of that you let both of them get eliminated at the beginning of the match???? Oh yeah who’s that guy in Moccasins Boots and poorly done facepaint that didn’t get an intro? Tatanka? WTF you let Tatanka come back and be part of this and you barely mention he is even there?? WWE has been all about glorifying their old stars and you let one of them just kinda sorta be part of something. Sigh… WTF. You want to know whats more WTF then that? You know you do if you have made it this far in this post. THEY LET SOME NXT GUY THAT NO ONE BUT NXT FANS KNOW WIN. Seriously we had to look up who this guy was because we had no clue, hope the rest of the fans enjoyed that… WTF…
  11. Roman vs HHH for the Championship belt – First of all Triple-H’s intro was not only nightmare fuel but I think the guys with their mouths bolted shut are a ray of sunshine to Stephanie… Good Lord stop talking… Second holy cr@p the amount of Boo’s for Roman Reigns entrance was deafening and that was through the TV speakers. When a match starts and you aren’t sure who the Heel is that is not a good sign. They beat each other up, take out a barrier, re-damage the German announce table that has been miraculously reassembled twice, Blah blah blah. It was a good match and all but still it only improved when for some unknown reason Stephanie enters the ring to FIRE the Ref and gets speared by Roman. YAY. After that it was Triple-H trying to get disqualified by using his sledge hammer and failing. Roman wins the belt… but honestly it felt less like a win then just Triple-H getting tired of a belt that doesn’t hold up his pants.

That’s my thoughts… WTF? and more WTF?

UPDATE 4/4 10:24PM – So thank you to Vin Scully the legendary announcer for the LA Dodgers I found out what G.O.A.T stands for. In one of Vin Scullys awesome insight stories he talked about San Diego Padre Jon Jay talking about Michael Jordan as a Goat and Scully was confused by the word as I was. Jay explained GOAT stood for “Greatest of all time”. Guess I should have known that with Y2J but somehow it never clicked. Thank you Vin Scully.

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