People Eating Dumbsh!t

Posted: June 4, 2016 by souldysfunction in General Sports Rant, MLB
Tags: , , , ,

PEDs

PEDs!!

PEDs!!!

PE-F*CKING-D’s!!!!

I don’t know about you but I am really really tired of these damn guys testing positive for PEDs. Are they stupid? Seriously what the hell are they thinking?

The latest to join the suspension parade is the Cleveland Indians Marlon Byrd. The MLB announced the other day that he tested positive for the growth hormone secretagogue Ipamorelin.

Wait what? I swear that is the correct spelling and is a real set of words. If you were like me  first you can’t pronounce them and second think they might as be Swahili because they make absolutely no sense.

Let me break the Carrollian words for you and I, since I had to look them all up.

We all know what growth hormones are as we have discussed it multiple times in the other PED cases but the secretagogue word…. that’s right Secret-Ago-Gue and it isn’t a Dr Seuss feathered lizard. What I found is this:

A secretagogue is a substance that causes another substance to be secreted.

SooOoooOo it’s something that makes something else ooze something. That sounds like you need an ointment and a doctors note. Just saying that definition makes me feel dirty and not in a brown-chicken-brown-cow dirty but in a I need a Clorox shower. Lets look at the last part which I think is the actual PED Ipamorelin. The first place I looked I found this:

Ipamorelin is a pentapeptide (Aib-His-D-2-Nal-D-Phe-Lys-NH2), which displays high GH releasing potency and efficacy in vitro and in vivo

…………………………………… What the holy hell did that just say……… Really um I like to consider my self semi sorta smart and I didn’t understand half the words in that statement. I had to look up efficacy I’m not gonna lie, it means the ability to produce a desired result. I still don’t get the ‘in vitro and in vivo’.

I feel dumb reading that and googling every other word so I looked else where and found something else that doesn’t require a 10 year degree in anatomical biological organisms. You can read the entire very scientifical article here but this sums up what I was looking for

The chemical makeup of Ipamorelin allows its peptide to stimulate secretions of the pituitary gland. These secretions affect growth. While Ipamorelin sparks secretion production, it also inhibits the production of one secretion, which is called somatostatin. Since somatostatin stops growth, this supplement offers dual benefits to those who need help in order to grow at an optimal rate.

The short of the long is this thing makes your pituitary gland secret growth hormone and suppresses the hormone that would stop abnormal growth.

You grow big fast.

Now understand this thing is a designer drug, it is not naturally occurring in your body. Really smart chemists looking to make a lot of money and get lots of girls made this I just know it. Do you want to know why I say this with such confidence?

this formula facilitates regulation of blood pressure and body temperature and it also improves the functionality of sexual organs. As well, it has the capacity to relieve pain.

Understand this scientists are the horniest, perverted people you will ever meet.

Back to ‘Mr I’m The Latest Cheater’ Marlon Byrd. He of course is saying that he had no knowledge of taking this Ipamorelin and it must have been in a tainted supplement. Seriously guys we DON’T BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE. We are not as stupid as you. You have trainers, doctors, teammates, and a sh!t ton of people telling you what to take or what not to take.

DON’T CHEAT. The shit you are supposed to not take is on a black and white list probably posted on EVERY ROOM IN THE CLUB HOUSE.

To put the icing on the cake of this whole thing this is Byrds second violation. Which means he is out for 162 games, a whole freaking year. Whats the sprinkles on the top of that icing? Marlon Byrd is 38 going on 39, this means he probably just ended his career the worst way one could imagine.

Great job Byrd way to be a team player.

SD Signature

 

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